Enough~

One Girl. Nine destinations. Five countries. Fourteen Flights. Eleven hotels. Six passport stamps. One camera. Twelve photo albums. Six new brothers. Four reunions. Two care packages. One backpack. Two pairs of running shoes. Three marriage proposals (yes…really). Thirty swims across a sea. At least nine meltdowns (that’s one per destination for all you math wizzes out there…) Countless boxes of tissues (only slightly fewer fetal positions crouched in a corner). A smattering of fist bumps and random hi-fives. Four distinct happy dance occasions (or at least all you’ll ever know about!) =====è One woman.

One woman. Two perspectives regarding life’s path:

1) Go, go go!....Out…Beyond…Seek ...Reach…Search...the unknown. Revel in the independence and freedom offered by this amazing opportunity. Grow, Learn. Fear. Conquer. Overcome. Persist…..Become.

2) Stop, Stop, Stop! Be still…Look. Listen. Reflect. Recognize. Remember. Appreciate. Embrace…the known.

Two choices.

Ultimately, I choose both. Presently (tangibly) I choose “HOME” ~

I look around me and see such goodness. Blessing. Abundance…and I hear whispers of: enough.

[I have had] Enough [I have seen] Enough [ It is] Enough [I am]…

Bonjour~

For the past two months (and with two and a half months left to go), I have been on the trip of a lifetime…quite possibly the trip of several lifetimes. I have visited famous monuments, had my eyes opened by ancient places, and been humbled by the majesty of architectural and historical masterpieces.

Barcelona housed Gaudi’s creative genius, the bustling boardwalk of the Barcoloneta, Las Ramblas with its quirky talents and throng of tourists, and a breathtaking cathedral beyond compare. Istanbul offered the glory of the Hagia Sophia, the blessing of the sacred Blue Mosque, and the overwhelming sensory overload of the Grand Bazaar. Upon arrival to each city, I never wasted one moment before I was out the door in search of these awe-inspiring places that I had been hearing about (and dreaming of) since childhood. So, naturally I get to Paris and I follow the same pattern, right? Well, * not exactly *…

I have been in Paris a total of one full day thus far. One single day filled with what I call “little sweet nothings.” --Rambling walks with no particular destination in mind; Naked wrists with no schedule or agenda for which to "dress." Piping hot morning coffee cups, left to cool (in lieu of conversation and communion) to lukewarm liquids. Half-eaten pastries (the first portion being so sublimely satisfying, it rendered the second irrelevant). A "peasant's picnic" in the park –a simple feast consisting of fresh produce from the curb market and mouth-watering fromagerie brie spread on what could only be the closest thing to manna from heaven found on this side of the clouds…the French baguette. Morning runs, soaking up the stillness of a sleeping city. Nights on fire, lit with a glow that only shining, joyous people (not lanterns) can emit. Sidewalks littered with cafes, peppered with patrons watching passersby…every once in awhile you will hear a friendly “Bonjour” offered between neighbors, or catch a snippet of a shared smile among strangers. “Bonjour,” meaning literally “Good Day” in French…* and it was. *

All Clear~

Oh, this morning! Oh, this morning!

I woke up with the sun. "Merry Christmas!" was on my lips and a smile adorned my cheeks. *Cue crashing realization that I, indeed, was scheduled to work today.* --Shoulders Sag--Audible Sigh (okay, maybe it was more like an agonized groan)--Hands on Hip--and yes, there was also one (or two?) stamped feet. Oh, this Morning! Ugh, this morning!

As I scanned the room, what would catch my eye but my Ziploc full o' zazzle! I clutched desperately for the small pouch of glitter (the one that I keep on hand for such times as this....you know, those dire emergencies...) Oh, salvation of sparkle! --Do please redeem my bad attitude from this pit of self pity~ (And it did!) I decided to take it one step further and go all out (none of you should be surprised by this one bit), as I rocked the festive green and gold glitter tagteam today....so I pretty much (if we are using our imaginations--having the red hair, coupled with the green and gold glow--was my own friggin' Christmas ornament!) Oh, this morning! Glow, this morning!

At work the patrons were in full holiday spirit. The families file through the gallery...fathers holding their children's hands, babies clutching their mothers and napping in their strollers. All are jolly and bright, out and about after a sweet time of togetherness unwrapping gifts, reading the Christmas story and discovering who Santa deemed "good" this year. The gush of good spirits is overwhelming, rushing over me like a tidal wave. It is beautiful to see. It is painful to feel. Oh, this Morning. Alone, This morning.

I could sense tiny tears pooling at the corners of my eyes. I quickly reached up to paw away the proof of my self-indulgent "sorrow." As I looked down at my hands again, I see I have smudged my glitter....I was covered in resplendent sparkles, but all I could see was green. Oh, this Morning. Low, this morning.

I asked myself if I was indeed, my own little version of the "green eyed monster"...was it jealousy that was presently creeping its way in and blackening my heart? Not exactly....but I wanted to place what was bothering me. I was not begrudging of the people their time shared in rest and vacation with their families and loved ones, nor was I angered by the fact that I was having to work on Christmas day. No, I realized that what I was envious of, was that all of those people coming through those doors, once they bought their pastries and drinks, would make their way home together. For the first time this day I realized that the sights and sounds that were assaulting my eyes were not the people themselves, but rather what they symbolized to my heart....*home.* I looked around at the girls I work with--the fatigue that furrowed each brow--the frustration of finding themselves taken away from loved ones in order to serve strangers--yet, simultaneously, upon closer examination, I also witnessed the team effort and human spirit that rallied as each sought to stave off the spirit of negativity in order to bless and love all who entered in to their small sphere of influence. I saw in this moment, that we were all in this together...and that joy and peace was *and had to be* within each of us. Oh, this morning. Home, this morning.

I left work and got to my apartment. It had been a long day...yet a good one. I walked into the bathroom and turned on the faucet. I bent my face towards the water and felt its cool, cleansing kiss upon my cheeks. As it washed over me, I opened my eyes to watch as the swirling green remnants disappeared. I willed myself to continue my gaze until the all the green was gone...

All That Glitters~

I've often asked myself where is it that we (people in general) lose that child-like joy we grew up with? I think you all know what I am talking about. Go to any public park, or spend five minutes with a small child and you will see the wonder and amazement, and yes, sheer exuberance with which they live life. Where, I ask, do we as adults lose that joy and vibrancy? Many of you already know my swinging story (oh, yeah....) but that is just one of many instances when I have felt almost tangibly an ache or grieving moment for the loss of naivete and the lightness of being that seems to inherently come to children.

All of that to say, today I was reminded afresh that I am not the only one who yearns and desires a return (in any way possible, and even in small doses) of that childlike joy. Allow me to explain. I work at a coffeeshop six days a week, for minimum wage...I am a baker and barista and friendly caffeine dealer workin' the 'hood....and I love it....absolutely, positively love it. I am able to, with every person that comes through and pays for their daily cup o' joe, to have a small window of opportunity to just love on them, and smile at them, and make them laugh--something good--anything good I hope to brighten their day.

Lately I have taken to spicing it up a bit and getting a little more whimsical with my eye makeup...I live in Hawaii, so mostly I never wear any makeup...but I thought this morning I would just do it...and mix it up and have some fun with some glitter makeup that my friend from LA who is a makeup artist sent me. The note with the bottle said "Apply Sparingly Around Eyes and Cheeks"....well, two things were amiss with these instructions from the get-go...First (these manufacturers obviously do not know me...moderation? me?) Secondly, (any one of you who knows me also knows that sparingly covering the circumference of my Irish lass cheeks is a misnomer....sparingly? come on, guys!)

So...true to form, I completely disregard the instructions and just have at it. In a moment of sheer impulse I tossed a handful of the stuff in the air above my head and lifted my face into it as it rained down on me. It was fabulous! I felt insane....wild even....as I channeled Tink in Peter Pan, I checked myself in the mirror. WOWZERS was I glowing and glittering and shimmering aplenty! I checked the clock in a panic...oh well, got to get to work, Andy's going to have to rock it out and own this glitter!!! I always say: "All you gotta do to pull it off is to put it on!" (And man had I put it on!)

What amazed me about as the day went on, was how so many people who came through the line for coffee reacted to something as silly and simple as over-exuberantly applied glitter. Some stopped and smiled. Some complimented me on my "Huzzah and Gumption"....many confessed that they wished they had the guts to rock some glitter. One woman shared that she was "too old" for such fun makeup. The men, young and old, seemed to find it fascinating and whimsical...and yes, I even received a hi-five (up top!) from a 60 year old woman who said the glitter just "made her day." But one common thread was repeated: a loop of comments simply saying how "fun" and "whimsical" and "free" my makeup looked.

I was certainly glad it was a hit, but more than that, I began to wonder and think.....and realize just how much we as humans long for joy, even in the little things. How we thirst for freedom to be whimsical and light. To breathe and allow ourselves the space to be silly and overly exuberant and unrestrained. To let go and be light.

Yes, I did just write an entire blog post centered around the excessive use of glitter. My use of glitter. It was ridiculous, it was over the top, it was silly, it was JOYFULLY applied...and it was good.