Year of Jubilee~

She is a simply complicated girl.

Fearless. Headstrong. Crown full of curls.

Gilded, golden, with violet hues

Timid, Fragile. This Maker’s muse.

Reigning, rule-ridden, o’er this dichotomy:

Soul’s royalty. Mind and Body’s peasantry.

Daily seeking guidance, this princess will be.

Neither black nor white…mais non, elle est gris~

Maintenant, as this little one sees and is seen.

The world wakens to life…thrives with green.

The newness, the wholeness, this birth’s beginning

Ushers forth such seasons of healing.

Woman-child…you are an intricate maze to decipher.

Breathtaking beauty traces your lines and letters.

What words shall you form, among this sea?

This ocean of life, your year of jubilee?

Banana Breakfast~

Interesting morning already, and it is only 8 30 AM. Brings much to think about. Perspective to me is always an amazing thing. Today I woke early * especially for not having the morning shift at the Gallery * and decided To cruise into town to get some coffee before a run. I never like to park and leave money around, or have to carry it with me, so I grabbed just enough for my soy yogurt, Powerbar and coffee…and I was on my way!

As I pulled up to the store, I ran in glancing at my watch…thinking I had plenty of time it’s gonna be a great morning! As I poured my coffee I let my mind wander to all the beautiful things I would see on my hike. I was already itching and ready to go go go. I felt a (non too gentle!) Tap... (more like a smack) on my shoulder, followed by a booming voice…it bellowed “ HEY LADY! YOU GOTS TEN CENTS FO’ A COFFEE FOR A SISTA? “ As I reached down to wipe up the coffee I had just spilt all over the counter (I did say BELLOWED? Right?) , I turned to see the smallest little peep of a woman child staring UP at me with these huge (yes, bloodshot red) almond eyes.

As I opened my mouth to tell her” N-to the “eff”-O!,” I realized I technically DID have it…and then some. I set my coffee down, and refilled what was now her cup of joe…asking her how she liked it fixed. She eyed me suspiciously…then after a moment of sizing me up, apparently deemed me sincere and proceeded to tell me exactly how many sugars and creamers she desired…”*AND DON’T YOU GO FO’GET DA LITTLE BITTY STRAW, EH? IT’S MO’ BETTAH THAT WAY!* “ Alright. Sheesh.

So, coffee in hand she stares impatiently at me as I head down the aisle to grab my yogurt and Powerbar. I get halfway down the aisle as she shrieks…”SHO’ IS NICE THAT YOU GETTING SOME BREAKFAST IN YO’ BELLY THIS MORNING, AIN’T IT SISTA?” Shoulders sag….Enter realization that THIS is a perspective moment…a pono opportunity in the making that I REALLY REALLY am not “feeling” exactly. I stop, turn and backtrack to the woman. Okay, lady, I have 6 dollars exactly. You have just burned up one with the coffee…leaving “US” with five for breakfast. How would you like to spend it? I handed over the bills. She greedily grabbed the green and sped away down the aisle out of sight. “I’ll just meet you at the register” I half-heartedly muttered/ offered up to the ether.

Three minutes later and around the corner she spins, wide grin on her face. Hands full. She plunks down a hot breakfast burrito from the deli, a spam musubi, two hard boiled eggs, her cup of coffee, and a freckled, bruised midget banana from the “penny bin”. “*We GONNA PAY CASH SISTA!*” the woman proudly announces to the cashier. The cashier (as she is ringing up “our” morning feast) keeps trying to catch my eye…I avoid it on purpose and try to act natural. She finishes ringing up the items and, as she is taking the bills, grabs the lady’s hand and says “ISN’T IT NICE OF AUNTY TO PAY FOR YOUR BREAKFAST?”…the woman shrugs her shoulders and grabs her stash and runs…I am left with a half-assed thank you wave via her rear view…and a crappy, rotting banana for the interchange. haha, oh boy

I look up and finally make eye contact with the astounded cashier. Who asks me if I realize I just paid 6 dollars for a rotten banana. “Yes.” I replied, still laughing at myself and the absurdity that I am sure this represented to her (and I must admit, even myself at that moment!) She went on to inform me, “You know, that lady begs off of everybody you know…she never work, and so she doesn’t deserve nothing...she hasn't earned it.” “Nope, I guess she hasn't "earned it" has she?” I replied…and FELT the smile for the first time that morning. AS I got in my car to drive away, STOMACH GRUMBLING, I realized the pono-moment wasn’t necessarily for the ungrateful woman who walked away with my breakfast in her belly…it was for me, and for that cashier…to think of what everyone deserves and doesn’t deserve, about "worthiness" and motivations…and perspective.

One of my favorite set of lyrics is by Songwriter Ani DeFranco…she says all that I could say “Mo Bettah”:

I do it for the joy it brings
because i'm a joyful girl.
Because the world owes me nothing
and we owe each other the world.
I do it because it's the least i can do.
I do it because i learned it from you
and i do it just because i want to
because i want to~

May we all love and be loved not in proportion to what each “deserves” or has "earned"…because I sure want and need so much more love than that~

All That Glitters~

I've often asked myself where is it that we (people in general) lose that child-like joy we grew up with? I think you all know what I am talking about. Go to any public park, or spend five minutes with a small child and you will see the wonder and amazement, and yes, sheer exuberance with which they live life. Where, I ask, do we as adults lose that joy and vibrancy? Many of you already know my swinging story (oh, yeah....) but that is just one of many instances when I have felt almost tangibly an ache or grieving moment for the loss of naivete and the lightness of being that seems to inherently come to children.

All of that to say, today I was reminded afresh that I am not the only one who yearns and desires a return (in any way possible, and even in small doses) of that childlike joy. Allow me to explain. I work at a coffeeshop six days a week, for minimum wage...I am a baker and barista and friendly caffeine dealer workin' the 'hood....and I love it....absolutely, positively love it. I am able to, with every person that comes through and pays for their daily cup o' joe, to have a small window of opportunity to just love on them, and smile at them, and make them laugh--something good--anything good I hope to brighten their day.

Lately I have taken to spicing it up a bit and getting a little more whimsical with my eye makeup...I live in Hawaii, so mostly I never wear any makeup...but I thought this morning I would just do it...and mix it up and have some fun with some glitter makeup that my friend from LA who is a makeup artist sent me. The note with the bottle said "Apply Sparingly Around Eyes and Cheeks"....well, two things were amiss with these instructions from the get-go...First (these manufacturers obviously do not know me...moderation? me?) Secondly, (any one of you who knows me also knows that sparingly covering the circumference of my Irish lass cheeks is a misnomer....sparingly? come on, guys!)

So...true to form, I completely disregard the instructions and just have at it. In a moment of sheer impulse I tossed a handful of the stuff in the air above my head and lifted my face into it as it rained down on me. It was fabulous! I felt insane....wild even....as I channeled Tink in Peter Pan, I checked myself in the mirror. WOWZERS was I glowing and glittering and shimmering aplenty! I checked the clock in a panic...oh well, got to get to work, Andy's going to have to rock it out and own this glitter!!! I always say: "All you gotta do to pull it off is to put it on!" (And man had I put it on!)

What amazed me about as the day went on, was how so many people who came through the line for coffee reacted to something as silly and simple as over-exuberantly applied glitter. Some stopped and smiled. Some complimented me on my "Huzzah and Gumption"....many confessed that they wished they had the guts to rock some glitter. One woman shared that she was "too old" for such fun makeup. The men, young and old, seemed to find it fascinating and whimsical...and yes, I even received a hi-five (up top!) from a 60 year old woman who said the glitter just "made her day." But one common thread was repeated: a loop of comments simply saying how "fun" and "whimsical" and "free" my makeup looked.

I was certainly glad it was a hit, but more than that, I began to wonder and think.....and realize just how much we as humans long for joy, even in the little things. How we thirst for freedom to be whimsical and light. To breathe and allow ourselves the space to be silly and overly exuberant and unrestrained. To let go and be light.

Yes, I did just write an entire blog post centered around the excessive use of glitter. My use of glitter. It was ridiculous, it was over the top, it was silly, it was JOYFULLY applied...and it was good.