Banana Breakfast~

Interesting morning already, and it is only 8 30 AM. Brings much to think about. Perspective to me is always an amazing thing. Today I woke early * especially for not having the morning shift at the Gallery * and decided To cruise into town to get some coffee before a run. I never like to park and leave money around, or have to carry it with me, so I grabbed just enough for my soy yogurt, Powerbar and coffee…and I was on my way!

As I pulled up to the store, I ran in glancing at my watch…thinking I had plenty of time it’s gonna be a great morning! As I poured my coffee I let my mind wander to all the beautiful things I would see on my hike. I was already itching and ready to go go go. I felt a (non too gentle!) Tap... (more like a smack) on my shoulder, followed by a booming voice…it bellowed “ HEY LADY! YOU GOTS TEN CENTS FO’ A COFFEE FOR A SISTA? “ As I reached down to wipe up the coffee I had just spilt all over the counter (I did say BELLOWED? Right?) , I turned to see the smallest little peep of a woman child staring UP at me with these huge (yes, bloodshot red) almond eyes.

As I opened my mouth to tell her” N-to the “eff”-O!,” I realized I technically DID have it…and then some. I set my coffee down, and refilled what was now her cup of joe…asking her how she liked it fixed. She eyed me suspiciously…then after a moment of sizing me up, apparently deemed me sincere and proceeded to tell me exactly how many sugars and creamers she desired…”*AND DON’T YOU GO FO’GET DA LITTLE BITTY STRAW, EH? IT’S MO’ BETTAH THAT WAY!* “ Alright. Sheesh.

So, coffee in hand she stares impatiently at me as I head down the aisle to grab my yogurt and Powerbar. I get halfway down the aisle as she shrieks…”SHO’ IS NICE THAT YOU GETTING SOME BREAKFAST IN YO’ BELLY THIS MORNING, AIN’T IT SISTA?” Shoulders sag….Enter realization that THIS is a perspective moment…a pono opportunity in the making that I REALLY REALLY am not “feeling” exactly. I stop, turn and backtrack to the woman. Okay, lady, I have 6 dollars exactly. You have just burned up one with the coffee…leaving “US” with five for breakfast. How would you like to spend it? I handed over the bills. She greedily grabbed the green and sped away down the aisle out of sight. “I’ll just meet you at the register” I half-heartedly muttered/ offered up to the ether.

Three minutes later and around the corner she spins, wide grin on her face. Hands full. She plunks down a hot breakfast burrito from the deli, a spam musubi, two hard boiled eggs, her cup of coffee, and a freckled, bruised midget banana from the “penny bin”. “*We GONNA PAY CASH SISTA!*” the woman proudly announces to the cashier. The cashier (as she is ringing up “our” morning feast) keeps trying to catch my eye…I avoid it on purpose and try to act natural. She finishes ringing up the items and, as she is taking the bills, grabs the lady’s hand and says “ISN’T IT NICE OF AUNTY TO PAY FOR YOUR BREAKFAST?”…the woman shrugs her shoulders and grabs her stash and runs…I am left with a half-assed thank you wave via her rear view…and a crappy, rotting banana for the interchange. haha, oh boy

I look up and finally make eye contact with the astounded cashier. Who asks me if I realize I just paid 6 dollars for a rotten banana. “Yes.” I replied, still laughing at myself and the absurdity that I am sure this represented to her (and I must admit, even myself at that moment!) She went on to inform me, “You know, that lady begs off of everybody you know…she never work, and so she doesn’t deserve nothing...she hasn't earned it.” “Nope, I guess she hasn't "earned it" has she?” I replied…and FELT the smile for the first time that morning. AS I got in my car to drive away, STOMACH GRUMBLING, I realized the pono-moment wasn’t necessarily for the ungrateful woman who walked away with my breakfast in her belly…it was for me, and for that cashier…to think of what everyone deserves and doesn’t deserve, about "worthiness" and motivations…and perspective.

One of my favorite set of lyrics is by Songwriter Ani DeFranco…she says all that I could say “Mo Bettah”:

I do it for the joy it brings
because i'm a joyful girl.
Because the world owes me nothing
and we owe each other the world.
I do it because it's the least i can do.
I do it because i learned it from you
and i do it just because i want to
because i want to~

May we all love and be loved not in proportion to what each “deserves” or has "earned"…because I sure want and need so much more love than that~

The Beatles were onto something...

In follow up to the most recent blog thought (the quote about what love truly is and looks like in real, everyday life,) I wanted to post a few things on my mind from my interactions of the recent days:

This morning I was reading some Anais Nin, whom I must admit I really admire, even though we see very differently on many subjects. Nin spoke her mind, and was not afraid of voicing (at least what she saw) as truth. I value and respect that in her, and any human for that matter. I came across this quote in my reading today, and it has awakened an inquiry into many things in my heart. She stated that:

"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings."

This quote is chock full of so many things we could talk about and voice. I read this and am both saddened and, yet, given hope simultaneously. Let me explain. I am saddened because I see love dying all around us. I witness marriages failing, friendships being severed, families being torn apart, and children who are abandoned and scarred. It seems that everywhere one turns, there is a casualty of "dead love" in our midst~

A man came into the coffee shop just last night....it was a mere ten minutes until closing time, and it had been a long day. I was ready to go home, yet the look on his face as he checked the clock and growled at me: "I still have a good ten minutes until I have to be out of your hair, young lady!!!" pierced my heart. This man was bitter and hardened towards life. He knew it....and you better bet everyone around him knew it as well. I uttered a small and exasperated prayer under my breath for patience and fortitude...and a speedy exit....God, as He often does, seemed to have a different plan. (gee thanks, JC)~ *sigh*

Long story short, the man proceeded to growl and gripe his way through a lengthy (oh how it was LENGTHY!) diatribe of negative comments about the coffee, the weather, the ungodly hour that the shop closed *gasp* (I do believe he felt inconvenienced!), life in general, and basically anything he laid his eyes on. The Beatles song "All You Need is Love" piped in the background... (The irony was not wasted on me)~

I asked the crotchety old man if he liked this song. Actually, my exact words I recall being completely over the top (in hopes to diffuse his rancor): "Oooh-wee! This song makes me wanna smile, and dance! You are a closet dancing man, aren't you, my friend?" The man eyed me in silence (my guess is he was wondering what I had been smoking on my break,) then let out a long sigh. His heavy shoulders slumped, and he simply said: "Sometimes love isn't enough."

My boss came to usher him out and shut the doors, it was closing time. As I watched him shuffle away, I kept waiting for him to turn around one last time...he never did. I hoped the man would come again. I wondered about the "love" that this man had experienced in his lifetime. How had humanity been blind to his need(s)? What betrayal had stolen the sweetness from his palate, leaving only a taste, bitter as gall? What countless errors had been committed, when such a man only had one more chance left within him to give, his heart having been wounded so many times before? What shallow, anorexic "love" had caused this man's spirit to go without, leaving him starving for affection and sustenance of any kind?

And what separates any of us from becoming this man?

I wonder all of these things as I sit here on my computer recalling the day. And YET, YET!!! (I love that word YET!)....here is where the hope of that quote resonates in my soul: Nin says that Love dies only when there is ignorance and inaction. Which means to me, that, in finding HOW to replenish the source, there is hope that Love will LIVE!

But, here is where the "Pono" comes into the picture: I would pray that we would not only settle for Love to survive, but that we would seek and desire to take it a step further, and have love THRIVE. It is possible....and I also know it begins with each of us~