~Pono Pheidippides~

One of my best friends just ran a marathon.

A MARATHON.

I had the chance---was given the incredible gift, rather---of being there.

I watched as he pushed his limits, didn't back down, was humbled...physically broken...and fully spent.

And I was able to be half of the pair (one on each side) that picked him up---recognized with wonder---and rebuilt him, a single smile and shared laugh at a time.

Gratitude does not suffice to describe the feeling I have when I think of the blessing of simply BEING invited in---being allowed to witness such a milestone in his life---and scraping that sweet spirit up off the side of the road after it was all said and done.    *oh yeah, you better bet we fed him da best kine ono poke grindz afterwards too, cuz~

Awaken the Senses~

I am what most people would call a "morning person." Love them (Or hate them), "morning people" are generally known for greeting the day with gusto! Hutzpah! Fanfare! Razzamatazz! (And if you are one of these chosen few, and it just so happens to be before noon as you are presently perusing this blog, then please do feel free to insert whatever * dazzling * emotion you are presently rockin' out here___________.)

This morning, however, was different. I woke up feeling...nothing. The eager anticipation of demolishing my "To See" list here in Barcelona, coupled with my darned diligence and frightening efficiency and go get 'em mentality, had seen to it that I had no plan or desired destination for this particular day whatsoever.

I thought to get up...* Meh *... (The day can wait). I thought of taking a shower...* Meh *...(Hygiene is sooo overrated I tell myself). I thought of making breakfast...* Meh * (Pancakes for one? No Thanks). I thought of calling home...*AAAAAND we have motion! * fanfare! *...rolls...slowly...grunts...rolls...thud. Pad, pad, pad...scuffle, scuffle....hum....dials...and, yes...*home*.

Home caught me up with their day(s), and home asked me about mine. Home shared with me, and home received my share in return. Home recognized my loneliness, and home met me in that ache. Home helped me to remember, yet reminded me in whispers sweetly of the blessed now. Yes, home got me out of that bed. And then...home lit a fire under my a** (with love of course). "Do you feel that?" I felt like I was being asked. "No" I replied....still numb. "Well then, FEEL this..." (a small nudge....okay, what then became a firm push, out the door).

The sunlight was blinding....I felt its warmth. Placing one leaden foot before the other, I stumbled towards the sea. I could sense the strain of my leg muscles with each new stride; the contraction of my calves with every step...I felt motion.

On the boardwalk, the waves of bikers blow past me...I feel the wind left by their wake gently rock my frame.

The adoring couple, unapologetic in their open affections...I feel connection.

The raucous children, launched into spastic motion with such eagerness and enthusiasm, trill their tinkling laughter--a holy chorus of angels more heavenly and spiritual than any church choir these ears have ever heard. I feel cleansed.

The nude sunbathers, baring all. I feel the heat of solar energy; its reflection dancing among their flawed, yet beautiful forms.

I feel it all. It is closing in around me...squeezing me until I cannot do anything but focus on each new breath. Pulsating. Throbbing. Bubbling up and spilling over. Unable to be contained within the vacuumed void of numbness, it will not be deterred.

I feel *life.*

I see it being lived.

I hear the beating of my own heart...in response and humbled recognition.

I taste the sweetness of partaking.

I touch upon truth.

~Awakened~

Funk-y~

I woke up this morning and was met with warmth and sunshine. I knew today was the day for my Parc Guell. I dressed with trembling excitement…fingers fumbling over zippers, buttons and laces; distracted by what laid ahead. Then…realization—I am alone. This beautiful, blissful experience…el solo~

I slumped back down on my bed and contemplated (not gonna lie….for at LEAST 5 good minutes) burrowing back under the covers in an Eeyore-esque pile of goo. Can we say funk?

I glanced over at my bag—my trusty little camera peeking out at me. I saw her eyeing me, judging me, taunting me in her cheery little chirp: “Pile of Funk!” “Pile of Funk!”…

I giggled despite myself (fully intending to wallow in my loneliness and “woe is me” mentality, thank you very much…) and dragged my arse across the room to pick her up gently. She hummed to life and began a delightful dance through the days of my past, stepping gracefully to the trilling tunes stored in her memory—the waters of home, baking/barista beauties, lions in winter, communal cups of coffee, bonfires with brothers, swimming with sisters, best friend beauticians, sunrises with mothers at Kahana Bay, English nerds, Club dancing divas, Contra comrades, bands of bikers, and Hawaiian hippies. Tears of remembrance and fullness stung my eyes.

I gingerly placed you all in the palm of my hand…grateful fingers stretching to receive the full beauty and breath of you. I curled my tiny fist around you tightly…and held on.

We go~

And to the loneliness and “el solo” mentality?..........

“ Funk That”~

Spanish Rainbows~

Spanish Rainbows * I Thank You *

-The old, weathered men who meet for their daily domino tournament…thank you fellowship~

-My favorite of the domino contenders…smoking his cigar like clockwork from 10 til 2…thank you consistency~

-The vendor at the market with the shy smile; everyday she anticipates my visit and has my favorite yogurt and cheeses ready and wrapped in special paper…most days there is a surprise something sweet she has slipped in from her oven at home….thank you generosity~

-The children in the park, gleefully terrorizing the pigeons on Place Catalunya; their shrieks of sheer delight as they chase and scare the bejesus out of the birds…thank you explosive exuberance~

-The gnarled, wrinkled woman who emerges from the water, and nonchalantly mounts her bike and continues to pedal proud as a peacock down the crowded boardwalk: naked as the day she was born…thank you self-confidence~

-The metropolitan tenants with their rooftop gardens, planting and cultivating life—bringing nature and all the beauty it beckons, into the city…thank you growth~

-The young man from the Metro, giving his seat to the young mother whose arms * not to mention her mind * were filled to overflowing, and heavy…thank you recognition~

-The American tourist who offers a hefty sum to the haggard, street beggar on La Ramblas, no questions asked…thank you compassion~

-The trusty Mac computer, providing the link to home, and all the love that was left there…thank you connection~

-The camera Lam blessed me with, snatching snippets of time—so that I may share these beautiful moments to those who cannot see what I see…thank you thoughtfulness~

-The cheery yellow bike that ferries me along my journeys—sharing miles and miles of memories…thank you freedom and flight~

-James, a Godsend, satisfying my starving soul with friendship and grace…thank you companionship~

-The hundreds of prayers, comments and emails offered daily…continuous reminders that I am truly not alone, and that “you go with me”…thank you encouragement~

-The amazing adventure and opportunity that is this journey—the seeking of perspective, awareness, growth, and light…thank you experience~

-The breath I awaken with, that carries me throughout the day…thank you life~

Impromptu STAPH Meeting~

I have a STAPH infection. It is gross. * Whines * However, as I am sitting here in my mandatory “rest-mode,” I am seeing that this whole situation has given me great fodder for ye olde blog…as well as many lessons learned…always, it seems….lessons learned.

The day began as normal as possible here on the North Shore. The game plan for the day was to spend the day packing, so I set to it. My friend, (who has requested to remain nameless) so we will call him “Rainbows” J was supposed to come help me move. Once he arrived, it was certain that I was NOT doing anything other than heading straight to the ho-po to be checked out. At first, I shied away from this plan…I didn’t want to inconvenience anyone…”Rainbows” taught me my first lesson of the night….to accept help and love from others. Always a tough one for us, yes?

First, we made a stop that Rainbows insisted on….a visit to his friend who is a nurse so that she could take a look at, and clean, my lesions. I was VERY MUCH opposed to this! I, a vain woman, was in no way feeling the desire to meet ANY unknown new friend with gaping, oozing sores on my face. * No thank you, sir! * But, Rainbows won out (as he often does in our friendship!) and on we went.

We got to Nellie’s house and I immediately felt at home…lesions be damned! because these were some amazing people who just wanted to help. Nellie’s companion graciously opened the door wide, and before I could even get out the apology for monopolizing their Saturday night, he lifted his hand in a wave of welcome…all the while placing the kettle on the stove…preparing the way for blessed tea and sympathy. Blessed soul~

I followed Nellie into the bathroom and, as she was dressing my sores, we got to talking about her giving up her Saturday night…I thanked her again. She looked at me kind of strangely for a second, and then gave me the biggest hug, reminding me of the truth in her heart that, according to her, it was SHE that needed ME—SHE that "needed to be needed"). She went on to tell me a bit about her, and what she has been going through in her life lately…a dry spell if you will. I shared with her how I believe in seasons of life…encouraging her that she is simply in her winter season…and that Spring indeed, must be coming. Such hope fills me at that forward-thinking thought!…this moment too will pass~

The night continued on: the dressing of my wounds, the scraping of my face, the angry bleeding, the humiliating vulnerability, and the hurting. After all is said and done, Nellie moves to clean me up and send me on my way….she apologetically reaches for a HUGE bandage for the side of my head. "Sorry!" she says…."I know this looks not very pretty, but if you don’t mind I think it will be better” …I respond immediately with, “Girl, you do whatever you have to, I have resigned myself that this AIN’T gonna be pretty!” As we both dissolved into laughter, I look at myself in the mirror…and see our reflections—two daughters of this earth just trying to make it as best we can, encouraging one another through our winters. * And no, I WASN'T a pretty sight….but “This” was beautiful * ~

The Power Of One~

Yesterday. My morning. I rose with the sun, whose radiant rays found me with a hopeful heart. The birds were chirping. A soft breeze skipped across the North Shore. Not a cloud could be seen for miles. I was fully present in this moment and knew that I had a delightful plan for the day just waiting to unfold.

I had called my friend Lam, and we giddily arranged to meet for a picnic in Ala Moana park on his lunchbreak….he even promised it would be complete with my favorite…sushi J Yes, this day was going to be fantastic. Sitting on the beach. Catching up with one of my favorite friends. Being soothed by the soft ebb and flow of the Waikiki waves. Yep…everything was coming up roses~

* Cue the thorn(s) *....

Before it was time to meet Lam, I had several errands to run…all disappointingly indoors—one was even located at what I have non-lovingly dubbed as the dreaded “Ala Moana Monster Mall.” Each time I frequent this establishment, (which I attempt to keep at a frequency less than * or at least equal to * the number of times teenaged kids WILLINGLY discuss "the Birds and The Bees" with their parental units), I have noticed that I most often leave the premises with at least a slight twitch, or a nervous tremor. I just can’t wait to get back to my car and chant my Stuart Smalley-esque affirmations…* most often as I rock to and fro in the drivers seat * “I am me…and I am okay!” J Yes folks, here at the Monster Mall is where it’s all happening…frenzied and frantic consumerism at its finest.

As I was running around, being bumped and jostled….careening into bony elbows, and doing my best to avoid the little midget children zigzagging haphazardly to and fro underfoot, I kept myself sane by reminding my heart that in T-minus two hours I would be on a beautiful beach with my bestie. One more deep breath, and on we go! Finally, after all errands were completed, and I feel as if I have run the Honolulu marathon as a three-legged race * my partner being a 400 pound, blind man with asthma ,* --the time for my perfect picnic had arrived! Oh joy!

With a skip in my step, and a sparkle in my spirit, I swing wide the sliding glass door opening into the parking lot. And what, I ask, is awaiting to greet me? RAIN. Dun Dun Dun! L I was crestfallen. My idyllic day is ruined….rained out…woe is me~

Eeyore, embodied in human form, I reach for my phone. As the grey storm cloud looms over above me, I type my companion a text, announcing our day’s doom. The death sentence for our perfect picnic contained one single word of depressing finality--: RAINING.

The instantaneous response I received back contained also one word--: RAINBOWS.

Awakening Awareness~

Lam saves ONE full day. With just ONE word….and ONE different pair of eyes~

Praised be such beloved souls who surround us in life…who see the scattered light that breaks through....and who choose to focus on all the beauty that is promises~

All Clear~

Oh, this morning! Oh, this morning!

I woke up with the sun. "Merry Christmas!" was on my lips and a smile adorned my cheeks. *Cue crashing realization that I, indeed, was scheduled to work today.* --Shoulders Sag--Audible Sigh (okay, maybe it was more like an agonized groan)--Hands on Hip--and yes, there was also one (or two?) stamped feet. Oh, this Morning! Ugh, this morning!

As I scanned the room, what would catch my eye but my Ziploc full o' zazzle! I clutched desperately for the small pouch of glitter (the one that I keep on hand for such times as this....you know, those dire emergencies...) Oh, salvation of sparkle! --Do please redeem my bad attitude from this pit of self pity~ (And it did!) I decided to take it one step further and go all out (none of you should be surprised by this one bit), as I rocked the festive green and gold glitter tagteam today....so I pretty much (if we are using our imaginations--having the red hair, coupled with the green and gold glow--was my own friggin' Christmas ornament!) Oh, this morning! Glow, this morning!

At work the patrons were in full holiday spirit. The families file through the gallery...fathers holding their children's hands, babies clutching their mothers and napping in their strollers. All are jolly and bright, out and about after a sweet time of togetherness unwrapping gifts, reading the Christmas story and discovering who Santa deemed "good" this year. The gush of good spirits is overwhelming, rushing over me like a tidal wave. It is beautiful to see. It is painful to feel. Oh, this Morning. Alone, This morning.

I could sense tiny tears pooling at the corners of my eyes. I quickly reached up to paw away the proof of my self-indulgent "sorrow." As I looked down at my hands again, I see I have smudged my glitter....I was covered in resplendent sparkles, but all I could see was green. Oh, this Morning. Low, this morning.

I asked myself if I was indeed, my own little version of the "green eyed monster"...was it jealousy that was presently creeping its way in and blackening my heart? Not exactly....but I wanted to place what was bothering me. I was not begrudging of the people their time shared in rest and vacation with their families and loved ones, nor was I angered by the fact that I was having to work on Christmas day. No, I realized that what I was envious of, was that all of those people coming through those doors, once they bought their pastries and drinks, would make their way home together. For the first time this day I realized that the sights and sounds that were assaulting my eyes were not the people themselves, but rather what they symbolized to my heart....*home.* I looked around at the girls I work with--the fatigue that furrowed each brow--the frustration of finding themselves taken away from loved ones in order to serve strangers--yet, simultaneously, upon closer examination, I also witnessed the team effort and human spirit that rallied as each sought to stave off the spirit of negativity in order to bless and love all who entered in to their small sphere of influence. I saw in this moment, that we were all in this together...and that joy and peace was *and had to be* within each of us. Oh, this morning. Home, this morning.

I left work and got to my apartment. It had been a long day...yet a good one. I walked into the bathroom and turned on the faucet. I bent my face towards the water and felt its cool, cleansing kiss upon my cheeks. As it washed over me, I opened my eyes to watch as the swirling green remnants disappeared. I willed myself to continue my gaze until the all the green was gone...