Word(s)! *to your mother, your sister, your grandpappy...whomever*...

It is the New Year. The time of resolutions, new beginnings and hopefulness for the future. I've discovered that (as I have been asked for the umpteenth time what my New Year's resolutions are) I tend to find this time of year somewhat ridiculous and tedious. I think mainly it is because *I will speak only for myself here* there are such overwhelming expectations connected to this "holiday" of ours. I almost feel like I am being lassoed with my own personal albatross...a Frankenstein of my own creation...rebirthed (or re-invented?) each and every year.

This morning, I am awake early and thinking of an amazing conversation I had with a co-worker just yesterday. What beautiful truths and illuminating insights can spring forth from such simple interchanges~ My co-worker and I were talking as I came into work about how our New Year was going, etc... She was making a comment about my hair *I most recently whacked it all almost entirely off...I remind myself presently of a baby bird with its newborn downy fuzz* She said that she liked it...and that I can always grow it out...but that for this season of my life I can "be a pixie"....and then later when it grows I can "be something else." I got to thinking about this, and for some reason, I was really bothered by it. Not bothered by my co-worker...but more about *again* the semantics of it all. I wanted to say to her, "What if I just want to 'be' ME?" Long hair, short hair...whatever...

Later in the day, I approached another co-worker and was talking with her...she was asking about my hair *are you sensing it is a big change, yet?* and the reasonings behind it....whether it was for New Year's, or if I just needed a change, etc... and I began explaining (as much as I even knew!) my "why's". I talked about simplification, seeking lightness, being unencumbered *yes, still talking about hair*...and mid-sentence I realized I did it because I COULD. And I didn't even need a damn reason why! Randomly, I immediately thought about my return to veganism...nine years strong before. I told her how I really missed sushi *random* and she said, "Oh, well you can switch back and forth between being a vegetarian, and then being a vegan, and even a carnivore Andy"...and again, I thought with rising panic and frustration..."WHAT IF I JUST 'BE' ME???" and eat...FOOD? Earth shattering profound logic, I tell you~

I then just opened up like a floodgate...all these truths coming through...we talked about health, and resolutions people make to go on diets and fitness plans and "stopping this or that" and "beginning these things." "Becoming" thinner, better (or in Hawaii we say "mo' bettah"), faster, richer,--MORE....LESS....it is exhausting to even think about.

This year I have no resolutions...not one stinkin' one. Well, maybe just one...I will not focus on making myself anything this year--not better--not stronger--not wiser. I will simply be. I will "be" good....and because of this, I will "be good."

Fluidity~

A conversation with a friend of mine last night sparked so many things in my heart and mind. We were talking about life and choices. Forks in the road—and atlases hard to decipher (some that are quite possibly meant to be so). My friend was quick to remind me of the perspective that, when adopted in life—causes one to see these things as negative, positive, or merely as “being.” This perspective, as he kept describing it, I recognized as what I now call “the fluidity of life.”

For so long I lived in the future…in “what if’s” and “maybe I shouldn’t s.” I was so concerned over the consequences of my choices. Every little detail of my life needed to be laid out before me…to be figured out in intricate detail. The finality with which I saw facing each decision I ever made is heartbreaking. This year especially, I have come to learn that life is about making many, many choices. Some will be spectacular, and cause such a flow of life and joy and “rightness” to flow fast on their heels. Some will just be recognized as the fitting one. But not all of them will be great—many will be downright idiotic, reckless and yes, even foolhardy (in the light of hindsight, of course). Yet (oh how I love that one small word!)…YET…these decisions will be actively made…issuing forth signs and evidence of investment in myself and the journey…of engaging in life and its ebb and flow…of being a willing and viable participant in the process of pursuit.

There is fluidity to life. I see that now. The world is open. God is available….He gives me choice…He opens doors (plural) and allows me to venture….to journey…to embark. I was scared before…of making a mistake. Now I see fluidity. I will make decisions. I will make them boldly. I will go all out (For the win!)…and I will walk in those decisions, and the light offered by them. I will recognize those that bear fruit--beautiful fragrant sources of sustenance and satiety. And I will see those that are barren…and then I will reassess. And I will live~