Gimme Gimme...

I am heading into the “big city” to negotiate my writing contract (again) this morning. I woke up early…could not sleep…knowing what lies ahead of me…negotiations (shudder).

Negotiations requiring so much that it makes my head spin just thinking about it.

Negotiations calling for confidence, for courage.

Negotiations demanding determination and decisiveness.

Negotiations selling my strengths, and owning my weaknesses.

Negotiations selling …myself….and owning…what I want.

I lace up my trusty sneakers, head out into the still dark pre-dawn morning , and I run.

I run for miles. I run forever. I run for answers.

I run for myself.

I run in search of myself, and the response to that question that I know is coming….”What are your expectations, Miss Miller?”

When asked what I want to be paid….how will I answer what I am “worth?”

When asked what I am wanting exactly...how am I to say what I "deserve?"

When asked what I can bring to the table…....how will I "sell" myself ?

When asked to choose between fulltime and freelance….how will I decide between the longing for stability versus that fierce fight for freedom raging within me?

When asked what I want….how will I tell you…I want it ALL.

Stride by stride, I succumb to the sensations swirling around me. My muscles burn. My mind spurns… more thoughts…and they turn…over and over…mulling…musing…running ahead…running alongside…running behind…me.

Gemma Hayes has a song that I love…with a line that voices so much…with so few words.

“Today I ran for miles. Just to see what I was made of.”

* And yes, Gemma. I did *

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZVpeUzorio

Nostalgia (and a bit of insomnia)~

Everyday I think of Some Really Random Things I want to bring back and rock out old school style.

Just to name a few:

1) Hi Fives...if something is good, you have to give it its due (Up Top!) *And none of that halfway mess...no way---I am talking all out, fully committed, arm entirely extended, make that sweet slap sound...with enthusiasm....and if, by chance, there is a jump involved, that is okay too (the more lift and air obtained, the better)*

2) Glitter *and lots of it!* (See my earlier post 'All That Glitters' for more reasons to don the dazzle)~

3) And speaking of dazzle... ANYTHING "bedazzled"....*Place, Push and Pop!* (I wanna be known as the "Bedazzler Queen")..... https://www.mybedazzler.com/

4)Crimped Hair. After all, who wouldn't want their hair to look like it just came out of a waffle fry maker?

4) Banana Seat Bikes....oh, the memories I have of riding around with my friends together *the more the merrier, people* Bring 'em back!

5) Slap Bracelets. These were oh so cool and stylin' (And who doesn't want to admit the times when you were able to "slap" a bracelet on a "frenemy" with complete, passive-aggressive satisfaction (albeit applied with a little more force and gusto than possibly necessary?)...

6) MC Hammer "pants"... *oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh-whoa-whoa....it's hammer time* (again)

7) Really Big Hair--like the Texas big--(maybe this particular one is simply b/c of my recent biking mishaps...it is so hot to wear a helmet here...and I think this could quite possibly provide a two-for-one deal of sorts--form and function...class and cushion....style and *oh who am I kidding?*.....

8) Saved By The Bell...One last hurrah....beat the dead horse...why not!?!?! *The Golden Years?* Bayside Retirement Resort...Beach Bingo with Belding, anyone?

9)The Robot, The Percolator, The Roger Rabbit, The Hammer dance (and any other random steps that make the dancer appear *to the untrained eye* as if they are having a seizure, or simply needing to make a pit-stop by the nearest loo)~

10) And, finally....to round out my list of ten (there are so many more, but this is a good representation of my recent random musings).... Naptime...just like when we were in Kindergarten...complete with our own neon orange foamy, cushy mats, and lullaby or WeeSing music piping in the background.....*And, yes, I'd like a juicebox too, please*...

E Komo Mai~

I am beginning this blog at the request/ suggestion of my mentor and surrogate mother. Best I can describe as to what I desire it to become is simply my own musings about everyday life. What I see through the eyes of a 27 year old Peter Pan who is constantly asking herself "What does it mean to grow up?" (And why do all the grown ups that I know seem so pissed off at life, ornery and disgruntled?)

I have been a gypsy of sorts since reaching the year of 18. I feel that the world is amazing and has so many things to see, people to meet, stories to hear. These restless feet have wandered all over, just seeking.....seeking truth, beauty, simplicity, and also seeking how not to seek and, rather, cultivating the art of letting myself "be."

I am a mess. A beautiful and complicated, silly mess of a woman-child. I like to think I am funny at times, seeing the world in my slightly askew way. I am healing. I am hoping. I am learning. I invite you to come along and dance with me. Make mistakes with me. Laugh at the insane situations I daily find myself in, and revel in the amazing thought that we share so much in common....even the little things...like laughing through pain, toe-thumbs, cabbage patch kid cheeks, crooked teeth, frizzy, afro hair, and the shared desire to burst into spontaneous song. (Yes, indeed) Nice to meet you. As we say in Hawaii....E Komo Mai~