I believe in love. And yes, I believe in monogamy.
Call me a prude….old-fashioned…behind the times…I joyously accept all of these if it means a lifetime shared in the constancy of one, good, solid companion.
I believe in the sanctity of husband and wife…that it is a beautiful—and not binding bond, and that the sacredness of intimacy with one is not a limiting trap---but rather makes us limitless in the safety and trust of that one person….caught and held securely in the cushion of commitment—the comfort and peace of knowing….knowing….knowing…you will never walk alone.
I understand now why it is likened to Christ and His love for the church. The give and take that feels nothing like tug of war. The sweet sacrifice—that because it is not abused---does not return void, will not leave one depleted, and is never wasted. The solace offered through stability--of something so sacred that, no matter what arises in the day….or descends upon us in the night….holds steady…remains true….and chooses unwavering gratitude for the gift of one another, and fierce faithfulness.
I realize now this dream---this glorious vision of purity, passion and growing in grace and peace together as one---is only possible if God is fueling the fire. Otherwise, the flames are beautiful to behold….they will keep you warm enough to lull you to sleep—and in your waking dreams you will get a small, shifting sense of sweetness in the smoke….and, as the embers glow…and the flames fade….you are left with smoldering ash.
I have been fanning a similar fire, loving its warmth, believing in its beauty, and now, as I look at the embers…I fall to my knees…curling my tiny body as close to the glorious glow as I can, and beg for more warmth….praying for renewal of the flame….searching in vain for a match that would rekindle its radiance…and denying in my heart of hearts that this fire…this flame…this beautiful warmth—is a bastard child—no father laying claim to it—for never did it ask for His name.
I made this fire with the one I love. Yet I forgot to invite the One I most love (or should have) to help us along the way…to show us how to light it, and fan its flames to where it will stay strong, provide warmth that lasts, and light that illuminates our lives. I still pray for redemption—of myself, of the one I love—and yes, of that fire that could be so beautifully built between…..yet I know now, today, who must light and sustain it….and why it is so~
Today, as everyday, I pray for miracles….with an open hand I free those I love to choose their path….and I follow the only path I know as true, and good, and lovely~
