~Cultivating Life~

Friday, February 17, 2012

State of Being~


When you feel the rug has been pulled out from under you….and the role that you saw yourself fulfilling in life has been cast to another…it is a strange state to find yourself in. I liken it to Kansas, or perhaps Nebraska? A state that in and of itself would not be the worst place in the world…had you not been born in say, Hawaii—or the rolling, wine country of California.

Yes, here I am….in Kansas….its arid air and flat roads stretching before me---with nothing but miles and miles of fields on either side. It is hard to not loathe these lonely lands….I never did like corn, and dust makes me cry--often. I prefer my ocean and beaches…the warm sun on my face…the salty air upon my cheek…and endless stretches of sand to curl my toes into—wriggling away my worries with each fairy step.

I believe the hardest part, is that I still feel very much a citizen of my former state…I do not believe this alien status I am now presently experiencing is my true destiny. I do not belong here…yet, hereI AM.

I look around me, no lion in sight…Aslan himself even seems absent, save a whisper in the wind of a love once warm upon my skin—I wrap the threadbare throw ‘round my once soft shoulders…careful not to pick the fraying fabric on the blades' jagged edges. This fairy…I must remind myself is fragile, yet fierce. And faithful….how faithful is she now…as she will remain…unwavering.

This state has new laws….which she will abide…yet she knows…back in her world—reverberating with every fervent beat of her foreign-born heart—her truth must pulse and pound with veritas--channeling its energies into goodness abounding. And, although she does not recognize many things these days…she does know one thing, she remembers it well---this, her offering…

Words, ruminating on a page---perched precariously in pregnant pauses—building a blessed bridge between the present__________the promise~

1 comment:

Daien said...

I'm happy that you're writing about how you feel at this time. Later, when things are much different than they are now, you'll be able to look back at your journey and see things that aren't visible to you now. You're a beautiful woman and an exquisite writer.