~Cultivating Life~

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

~The Butterflies and the Bees~

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  When I came upon Tori Amos musing about marriage I had to take pause. I never even knew she was married. I have to admit this blew me away at first...I guess I had just always considered her name, her music, her writings, herself as being profoundly and fervently feminist (to the core). So, as I continued reading, much to my surprise (and inner joy) I found her insights on this particular union to be beautiful...REAL-ly beautiful.
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Amos regards her marriage to her soulmate, saying "I really feel like my husband is my boyfriend. I am having an affair with my husband, and sometimes plates fly. There's no question. This is someone who is tenacious and has his own way of looking at things. I mean, he wanted to get married, but only if we lived in England. To be his wife required serious change for me. And there are serious boundaries. It is about monogamy with him. That's just it. I think marriage takes more perseverance sometimes than any other endeavor. But this suits my skirt just fine, primarily because I've always been reticent about the concept of "Happily Ever After." The garden will have weeds and pests that may damage crops; it may even have pestilence to contend with once in awhile. But with the right combination of elements, including bees and butterflies, the garden will pollinate and become a garden--not an emotional wasteland but a place of sensuality and balance. So it may need a good beekeeper; all complex gardens do."
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*I've too long been sidetracked by the pests and the weeds....so please now....Bring on the butterflies and the bees....
And may I ever be an excellent beekeeper~

Saturday, October 27, 2012

~Piece by Piece~

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Lately I've been reading biographies. One that has struck a chord with me is Tori Amos's Piece by Piece. Although I definitely do not agree with all she believes necessarily, I do value the bold honesty and unabashed authenticity with which she approaches both her art and herself.
A self-professed free spirit and spitfire in her own rite, Amos's music has surrounded me, ever since the days of when I would follow my older sister Meredith around like a puppy and simply joy in soaking in every smidgeon of shared time she would deem me worthy of (which, compared to most sisters was an insanely generous amount I might add) #my-sister-is-the-bomb.
I can still remember the feeling (I still can't quite grasp the exact word for it---it eludes me like a wisp o' the wind) I got when a Tori Amos song would roll like thunder over the radio waves. The sweet syncopations of sound----those pulsating patterns, haunting intonations and wild runs mark my memories like a vivid, tangible television into my childhood. Mmmm, yes....I was raised on Tori Amos, alongside the 10,000 Maniacs, Carole King and James Taylor...and it was good~
Growing up I always admired her hutztpah and passion for her music; it remains unlike any other genre I have known. So, naturally, as I passed her biography on the shelf of my local library, it wasn't even a question---I was drawn to it like a moth to a flame....focused on finding what it is within her that ticks, and trills.
I am only halfway in, and already her ideas and opinions on religion, femininity, sexuality and so much else have been enough to keep my mind whirring (and cheeks blushing) for ages. Having similar upbringings I have found it fascinating to see her viewpoint on conservatism and "God" and all that is black and white (or in this case grey).  I disagree with much, yet honor and respect her voice and the sheer passion and stubborn will she shows in ceaselessly seeking. And aren't we all....just seeking. Truth. Goodness. Love. Beauty. Peace. Grace.
TRUTH (yes, I said that one twice).
There have been times in my reading where I have stopped to catch my breath after something I have read....Amos writes raw. It is uncomfortable. I disagree. I'm scared I concur. I wonder what if. I question. I refute. I own my truth. I see and hear her heart. I search my own.
Yet I continue reading.....because I know that the truth will always win...and I learn only by living....and dialoguing....allowing even sometimes contradictory views to act as catalysts for constant change---graduated growth. Here is where there will be a forum found, wide open and inviting me in....challenging my own thoughts and ideas...formulating them upon a foundation...building stronger...and always, all ways, ceaselessly seeking.
*I will keep you posted~

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

~Nana Bean~



I'm gonna miss you, Nana---
 miss calling you up for conversation
 miss your words of wisdom, those priceless tidbits,
 life lessons-- tinged with your sweet, Southern twang.

Who else is going to offer me my "Eye-talian" dressing with my salad?
Or ask for my fiancee "Beeeah-Jaaaay" to speak with on the tele?
Who will be there to applaud my greatest triumphs?
And pray with me--
stay with me--
in my deepest defeats?

I will miss your hands the most
I can still see them if I close my eyes--
capable, warm, open always--
offering love and kindness--
and readily accepting all that life had to bestow--
good and bad--
with a grateful heart and faith forged in the fire of daily doing, and breathing, and being
beautiful~

I love you Nana Bean.
You are the light, the love and the laughter that laid my foundation...that breathed love and grace and peace over my life.
You will be missed. 
You are loved~