I am heading into the “big city” to negotiate my writing contract (again) this morning. I woke up early…could not sleep…knowing what lies ahead of me…negotiations (shudder).
Negotiations requiring so much that it makes my head spin just thinking about it.
Negotiations calling for confidence, for courage.
Negotiations demanding determination and decisiveness.
Negotiations selling my strengths, and owning my weaknesses.
Negotiations selling …myself….and owning…what I want.
I lace up my trusty sneakers, head out into the still dark pre-dawn morning , and I run.
I run for miles. I run forever. I run for answers.
I run for myself.
I run in search of myself, and the response to that question that I know is coming….”What are your expectations, Miss Miller?”
When asked what I want to be paid….how will I answer what I am “worth?”
When asked what I am wanting exactly...how am I to say what I "deserve?"
When asked what I can bring to the table…....how will I "sell" myself ?
When asked to choose between fulltime and freelance….how will I decide between the longing for stability versus that fierce fight for freedom raging within me?
When asked what I want….how will I tell you…I want it ALL.
Stride by stride, I succumb to the sensations swirling around me. My muscles burn. My mind spurns… more thoughts…and they turn…over and over…mulling…musing…running ahead…running alongside…running behind…me.
Gemma Hayes has a song that I love…with a line that voices so much…with so few words.
“Today I ran for miles. Just to see what I was made of.”
* And yes, Gemma. I did *