Oh, this morning! Oh, this morning!
Saturday, December 26, 2009
All Clear~
Oh, this morning! Oh, this morning!
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Semantics~
I have been remiss in writing for awhile. Mea Culpa. I believe that most of my thoughts regarding this were simply that I was too busy with life and living to take time out to write. This thought pattern has caused me to think upon what exactly I see the role of writing as playing in my life.
I remember when I was at University, I saw myself as writing to live. Writing was my sanity in times of distress, my companion in lonely hours, and my saving grace when all else failed me. On those days when all seemed to overwhelming to process, I could sit down at my desk--delve into my thoughts, pen my frustrations, and trudge my way through the murky waters of life armed with what I saw as my only appropriate ammo--*bring out the Bic guns...* I realize many would say that this is a frightening position to find oneself in--being so dependent upon writing as a source of solace and stability. I would agree.
Knowing this, I always believed then, that the ultimate goal would be to convert the pattern of “writing to live” into “living to write”. I would have peers who seemed to eat, sleep and breathe writing. They voraciously read books, and intelligence, wit, and candor seemed to ooze out of their every pore. I loathed them (okay, maybe they just really, really irked me…) These peers could be overheard on a daily basis waxing eloquent about their next literary masterpiece, or how many pages they had written in their upcoming manuscript. And, to be sure, when all was finished, and the fruit of their labor was unveiled…it was almost always sheer genius and superbly divine. Yes, those that lived to write…as if it was inextricably tied to their very essence of their being…were indeed talented….yet I was not one of them. I *still* am not one of them…although I have often tried to be. I find that, although I enjoy the creative process of writing (and the literary, evolutional journey of reading as well)—I do not crave these things with an insatiable appetite. Although I, too, am able to pen semi-coherent and (albeit sporadically) thought-provoking workmanship, I have no illusions that Alfred Nobel will be knocking down my door any day soon. No, I do not live to write...
Today, in the wee hours of yet another crisp, Hawaiian morning….I am outside watching the sun rise over the jagged cerulean waves. I am waking--writing this small entry--musing, seeking, hoping, wondering---*being*. I think I am one that will just live AND write. I will not master either most likely, to the point that it embodies all that is within me…neither will probably overtake the other due to its sheer genius or notoriety—or even stellar quality. But, this morning, I am starting to see small glimmers—beginning to believe—awakening to a new awareness, that sometimes having a little of both (in so many areas) is best. “Just” living and writing can be more than enough—and this "place" is where I find myself...and make my home today.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
So much can be said with one pair of scissors...one tube of goo~
Change.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Fluidity~
A conversation with a friend of mine last night sparked so many things in my heart and mind. We were talking about life and choices. Forks in the road—and atlases hard to decipher (some that are quite possibly meant to be so). My friend was quick to remind me of the perspective that, when adopted in life—causes one to see these things as negative, positive, or merely as “being.” This perspective, as he kept describing it, I recognized as what I now call “the fluidity of life.”
For so long I lived in the future…in “what if’s” and “maybe I shouldn’t s.” I was so concerned over the consequences of my choices. Every little detail of my life needed to be laid out before me…to be figured out in intricate detail. The finality with which I saw facing each decision I ever made is heartbreaking. This year especially, I have come to learn that life is about making many, many choices. Some will be spectacular, and cause such a flow of life and joy and “rightness” to flow fast on their heels. Some will just be recognized as the fitting one. But not all of them will be great—many will be downright idiotic, reckless and yes, even foolhardy (in the light of hindsight, of course). Yet (oh how I love that one small word!)…YET…these decisions will be actively made…issuing forth signs and evidence of investment in myself and the journey…of engaging in life and its ebb and flow…of being a willing and viable participant in the process of pursuit.
There is fluidity to life. I see that now. The world is open. God is available….He gives me choice…He opens doors (plural) and allows me to venture….to journey…to embark. I was scared before…of making a mistake. Now I see fluidity. I will make decisions. I will make them boldly. I will go all out (For the win!)…and I will walk in those decisions, and the light offered by them. I will recognize those that bear fruit--beautiful fragrant sources of sustenance and satiety. And I will see those that are barren…and then I will reassess. And I will live~
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Nostalgia (and a bit of insomnia)~
Everyday I think of Some Really Random Things I want to bring back and rock out old school style.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Struggle not denied..
I received an email from a friend of mine who I thank God for everyday. He was challenging me to give voice to the struggles in life that I (and that we ALL) face. I do believe that this blog would not be complete or balanced unless it brought to light (honestly and openly) struggles...plain and simple.
Nestled in this nook,
Tucked away from prying eyes
This feathered bird prays:
Awaiting hope’s birth,
Sweet child of emblazoned sky
“Dispel this darkness.”
A chill in the air,
I reach out for my sweater,
Feathers not enough
October is gray
And winter has come too soon
I was not ready
Knitting, not preening
I make haste in a panic
Clothing nakedness
Slowly haste gives way
Surrendering sheer fatigue,
A delicate fade
Captive tears once trapped,
Angrily assault my gates
They are free to go
Succumbing at length,
I have become that last leaf,
And loosen my grip
Choosing to let go,
I dance and swirl to the ground,
Winter has not won~
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
the Who
The more I read of Anne Lamott's book (overtly about how to write)...I am struck with the awareness that this book (for me) is more about how to LIVE. Listen to Lamott's description about plot and see if you do not agree:
Thursday, October 8, 2009
'Effin Messy (A Tribute to Finger Painting, Flaws and Freedom)
I am in the middle of reading the book Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott (extremely good, by the way) and I came across this passage regarding perfectionism. She is directly referencing the process of writing, yet I have complete faith that a lesson about life is fast on its heels... Such wisdom and awareness could not go undocumented here:
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Wind Resistance~
I live in a place that enables me to be out in the sunshine and air 365 days out of the year. This is quite possibly the main reason I chose to live here. I have learned many things about myself over these last few years especially--one of them being that I must (yes, must!) get at least some pure, Vitamin D laden sunshine every day....and I soak it up like a sponge...yes, I love it~
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
The Beatles were onto something...
In follow up to the most recent blog thought (the quote about what love truly is and looks like in real, everyday life,) I wanted to post a few things on my mind from my interactions of the recent days:
Monday, September 14, 2009
Love: Pono Style~
Aloha all,
"heard this definition of love today: doing all you can to help another reach his or her fullest potential"~
Friday, September 11, 2009
All That Glitters~
I've often asked myself where is it that we (people in general) lose that child-like joy we grew up with? I think you all know what I am talking about. Go to any public park, or spend five minutes with a small child and you will see the wonder and amazement, and yes, sheer exuberance with which they live life. Where, I ask, do we as adults lose that joy and vibrancy? Many of you already know my swinging story (oh, yeah....) but that is just one of many instances when I have felt almost tangibly an ache or grieving moment for the loss of naivete and the lightness of being that seems to inherently come to children.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Haole Haiku~
Perched upon my bench,
Monday, August 31, 2009
E Komo Mai~
I am beginning this blog at the request/ suggestion of my mentor and surrogate mother. Best I can describe as to what I desire it to become is simply my own musings about everyday life. What I see through the eyes of a 27 year old Peter Pan who is constantly asking herself "What does it mean to grow up?" (And why do all the grown ups that I know seem so pissed off at life, ornery and disgruntled?)